Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
