also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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