Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
