toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
