she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
worst night to have a conscience
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
