Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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