TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
