I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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