what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
