I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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