I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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