The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize