You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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