They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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