I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
