bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
