Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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