**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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