24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
