all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
