But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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