apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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