dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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