she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
