6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize