dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
