she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
