So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
