Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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