help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He better not be in your backpack
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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