I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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