just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
