"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
