I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
