is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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