He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
