and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
