shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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