why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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