you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
