I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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