Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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