Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
