Swine flu. Run for my life!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
