Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
