I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The feeling are messing with the penis
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
