Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
