The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
