Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
