My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
