who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
