found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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