I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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