Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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