I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
