He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She's better-looking with the mask on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
