I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
