That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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