Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
