I'm eating all of the evidence.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
