finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
