I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
