i can't believe i had my finger in that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
