tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My ATM looks so different sober.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
