I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
