what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
