if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
