I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this just has baby written all over it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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