It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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