You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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