she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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