I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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