remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Mom said you looked used
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
PANTIES FOUND
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize